Nothing like a warm cup of semen to perk you up

“I like my coffee like I like my women,” I said, sidling up to her….

“Full of my own semen,” I suavely finished.

Robert Brockway, Cracked.com, on an alleged date

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Sounds like my high school prom date

“A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice.”

Homer Simpson

He forgot to mention the long, grueling hours of maintenance

“You should treat your aircraft like you treat your woman: get in her five times a day and take her to heaven and back!”

Lord Flashheart, Blackadder