Explosive drunkenness

“Beer pong is also known as Beirut, depending on where you’re from (although what ping pong balls, plastic cups and beer has to do with the capital of Lebanon is anybody’s guess. We assume it has to do with getting bombed. Repeatedly).”

Tim Parent, Cracked.com

The new face of fear

“Just squeeze a stumpy orange dick and watch fear come yodeling towards you in a pair of fat dancing ghost pants.”

Rich Wallace, Cracked.com, on an inexplicable children’s toy

Ground meat

“The entire practice is insane and stupid. I know this. It puts me in a permanent blind spot; an unannounced lane change will guaranteed kill me; I essentially volunteer to become the meat in a crushing steel sandwich.”

Ezekiel Buchheit, Cracked.com, on lane-splitting on a motorcycle

In all fairness, it was your kidney’s fault for not getting out of the way

“Ryan Giggs is suing Twitter. That’s like being stabbed and suing the knife.”

Via Facebook

Well, at least it’s less bloody

“Playing poker online is like being mugged without the company.”

Lucy Porter

I’d complain, but there’s a Frogger in my throat

Trauma Center: During most of the game, you feel like you are playing Space Invaders on someone’s stomach.”

Via TV Tropes