“The entire practice is insane and stupid. I know this. It puts me in a permanent blind spot; an unannounced lane change will guaranteed kill me; I essentially volunteer to become the meat in a crushing steel sandwich.”
Ezekiel Buchheit, Cracked.com, on lane-splitting on a motorcycle
“Medicine in the 19th century was so medieval it might as well have walked around in a tunic and leggings while strumming a lute.”
Jacopo della Quercia, Cracked.com, on Civil War casualties
“Electricity is just a flow of electrons from some place that has too many of them to some place that really wants them. But where they really want to go is to the ground. If generated power is a shipload of sailors on shore leave, the ground is a whore house that’s having a two-for-one special.”
Martin Bear, Cracked.com
“…he floored it into a straightaway, weaving through traffic with the creamy ease and sleazy skill of a buttered gigolo.”
Robert Brockway, Cracked.com
“….I’ve still got all my points saved on my computer somewhere, and I’d be happy to regurgitate them here. I’m offering you my pre-digested leftovers, basically.”
Online conversation between two writers for Cracked.com
“[Humans are] little more than tasty flesh bags waiting for an errant horn or claw to spill our guts like a meat pinata.”
David Dietle, Cracked.com
“When they called it ‘the building blocks of life,’ you probably pictured DNA as a series of neatly edged Legos snapping together to form a cohesive whole. When in reality, DNA is more like an old scrapbook that someone has torn up, pasted back together, filled with old newspaper clippings about murder and then taken into the bathroom with them.”
C. Coville, Cracked.com
“We serve a hive mind, feeding the sucrose syrup of readership into the damp food pockets of our editor so that his young are nourished and soon to hatch.”
Unnamed writer for Cracked.com
Bad Metaphors 