Not to mention the lady who owns them….

“A Suzuki Hayabusa, to be exact — a bike that is already as notoriously crazy as a bag full of wet cats.”

Robert Brockway, Cracked.com

Advertisements

Nothing like a warm cup of semen to perk you up

“I like my coffee like I like my women,” I said, sidling up to her….

“Full of my own semen,” I suavely finished.

Robert Brockway, Cracked.com, on an alleged date

Hitting you in the most sensitive part of your eye

“It’s like every single AC/DC album cover came to life and punched your eyeballs right in the dick.”

Robert Brockway, Cracked.com, on the Chaiten volcano in Chile

Reverse! Reverse! Beep beep beep….

“But then came the sequels — most notable for setting the land-speed record for the fastest time anything has traveled all the way back up its own ass.”

Robert Brockway, Cracked.com, on The Matrix series

Murderous editors

“Editing is just like writing, except hateful, and in reverse. Instead of birthing words and ideas out of nothing, you’re murdering them in cold blood, culling them like sickly sheep weakening the flock.”

Robert Brockway, Cracked.com