“Your hand, while firm and masculine, is as soft as a velour child.”
Zapp Brannigan, Futurama
Author Archives
But you should see their line work
“I know from experience that my men have the all artistic talent of a cluster of colorblind hedgehogs, in a bag.”
Edmund Blackadder
Who says videogames are bad for kids?
“It’s like a pikachu… that’s not electric.”
Karl’s little sister, describing a mouse
Sounds like my high school prom date
“A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice.”
Homer Simpson
They really do know everything
“You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.”
Anchorman, Ron Burgundy, to his dog
And remember to cover your ears while they’re screaming
“Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.”
Nelson Muntz, The Simpsons
The kind of knowledge only a doctor would have
“Hi. It’s like hello, only shorter.”
In all fairness, it was your kidney’s fault for not getting out of the way
“Ryan Giggs is suing Twitter. That’s like being stabbed and suing the knife.”
Via Facebook
Well, at least it’s less bloody
“Playing poker online is like being mugged without the company.”
Lucy Porter
And that’s what we call a strike!
“If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.”
Zapp Branigan, Futurama
Impeccable description
“Disease and deprivation stalk our land, like two giant stalking things.”
Edmund Blackadder
He forgot to mention the long, grueling hours of maintenance
“You should treat your aircraft like you treat your woman: get in her five times a day and take her to heaven and back!”
Lord Flashheart, Blackadder
It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for
“Sure, it’s quiet, for a diesel. But that’s like being well-behaved… for a murderer.”
Jeremy Clarkson, on diesel cars
Just not the big red one
“A nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.”
Homer Simpson
Calling Yoda out
“You look like a million dollars, all green and wrinkly.”
Older-than-time joke
Unless, of course, you look at the little card that comes with the box
“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.”
Forrest Gump
I’d complain, but there’s a Frogger in my throat
“Trauma Center: During most of the game, you feel like you are playing Space Invaders on someone’s stomach.”
Via TV Tropes
But imagine the sprawling views you’ll have of your home
“It’s a bit like the ideal home show, if your ideal home is one that’s just been blown up by a camera-guided six-kilogram fragmentation bomb.”
Lauren Laverne, on a Libyan arms sale
At least you’ll age well
“You’re like a fine wine. You should be kept in a cellar for years.”
Older-than-time joke
How does he know the secret ingredient?
I haven’t seen so many dirty snouts and slimy arseholes crammed into such a small space since I last looked inside a sausage.
Charlie Brooker, Newswipe, on politicians
That’s like the piss calling the fart stinky
“… A Justin Beiber fan insulting Rebecca Black is like someone gargling a mouthful of skunk piss having a go at the dog for letting one off.”
Charlie Brooker, defending Rebecca Black
Bad Metaphors 