“He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say ‘when!'”
P.G. Wodehouse
That’s like the piss calling the fart stinky
“… A Justin Beiber fan insulting Rebecca Black is like someone gargling a mouthful of skunk piss having a go at the dog for letting one off.”
Charlie Brooker, defending Rebecca Black
How would you even wear that?
“Far better to reduce everything to a single dumbed-down inescapable standard, relentlessly mediocre and devoid of any color or possibility, like a tapioca straitjacket.”
Jon Evans, TechCrunch, on why Facebook’s comments section should have better sorting options
Let sleeping wings snore
“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”
George W. Bush
I’d hate to see how they approached jigsaw puzzles
“They divorced after a lot of trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole (and not hers).”
Thin metal sheets scare the crap out of me!
“The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.”
Then he started growling like a goldfish
“…the purring sounded like the cooing of an angry dove.”
They must be spreading up
“These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.”
How convenient!
“Her beautiful breasts were tipped with pencil-eraser nipples.”
Stifling puppies
“…leave this sleeping dog lie in the heat of the August afternoon and move onto the golden autumn of a new relationship.”
Frost THIS
“I brought him a cupcake I’d made and frosted with his name.”
“AWWW, this is too sweet! I bet he loved your cupcakes.”
“He likes to help with the frosting.”
What if she’s buttonless? Can he work her touchpad?
“He turned her on by pressing her love-button.”
But did he polish it first?
“He stuck his sword in her scabbard.”
Good Tip: Avoiding mixed metaphors and clichés
Here’s an article about proper metaphor usage from About.com. Contains both good and bad examples!
A well-oiled fang
“You are a big rat and a snake with poisonous venom. Lots of luck to those who come here and slip in that!”
Bad Metaphors 