“[Humans are] little more than tasty flesh bags waiting for an errant horn or claw to spill our guts like a meat pinata.”
David Dietle, Cracked.com
Author Archives
Our miniature pony of annoyance pales in comparison
“Indeed, critics can smugly mount their high horse of disgust only because somebody else was willing to do their dirty work for them.”
Michael Goodwin, Fox News, on liberal criticism
A scarier, hairier version of underwear gnomes
“With his flowery board shorts and ripped surfer’s build, he looked–to Jenn, at least–‘like some little yeti who raided your underwear drawer.'”
Christopher McDougall, Born to Run
We assume Charlie Sheen must be a sharpshooter then
“If accuracy were an STD, he would be on antibiotics…”
Via Twitter
Maybe it was just drunk dialing
“The voice of Love seemed to call me, but it was a wrong number.”
P.G. Wodehouse
May these words be your insulin shot
“You used to be immune to sugar, now you’re acting like a diabetic.”
Via Twitter
Oh no, my smile is breaking out again!
“His contagious smile spreads like herpes!”
Via Twitter
Breastfeeding with the raw and saggy tit of reality
“I’m the Octomom of days pregnant with possibilities.”
Via Twitter
Beaten by his own people
“I’ve always said my baseball bat is a metaphor for the people. You can grab this handle and bring the people with you to Albany or you can leave it untouched and run the risk of having it wielded against you.”
Carl Paladino, November 2010 Concession Speech
I hate when my clothes runneth over
“He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say ‘when!'”
P.G. Wodehouse
Bad Metaphors 